New Year
Today, pre-dog walk I made a cup of tea for a friend. Not so out of the ordinary, but today, I began to slow down. I felt a tangible shift manifest via a moment, a smile and acknowledgement of the message on my tea tag that said “live to share.” There I stood in the kitchen feeling the brighter priorities and truths lift away from nonsensical heavier stresses with the ease that oil has when separating from water. One breath, one pour, one wave of clarity, and most notably a sudden physical release of tension that had been gripping my neck and shoulders for the past few months. That flash of clarity and lifted weight brought me back to the early months of 2016 filled with my almost religious devotion to attempting to drink tea in the mornings and to practice this ethereal concept of living actively present.
Venturing out to walk the little four-pawed animal and cuddle therapist, I reflected on this time of the year: The Wind-down. With the closing of 2016, memes ranging from hilarity to utter sorrow bombard the internet. We have been disappointed, some have been surprised by their own abilities to overcome hardship or to simply have a good time. How far we have all journeyed this 12-month span. I began to reflect on how present I have and have not been, how I have come into the human expression of whom I want to be, and where I still need to spend some work and attention in my life. I remembered diving into 2016 with the goal of learning more about myself, though my expectations of how that would manifest were much different. I thought that deep knowing would come from falling deeper into practice and ritual, but along the way, I found my own sorts of rituals off the mat, outside the studio walls, away from self-imposed rules. And only now do I see that I was knitting what I called “freedom” tightly to what underneath, was more in line with “control.”
Going into 2017, I ask, “what is it you crave in and from this life? What aspects of this human experience do you cherish or actually want to explore?” I realize I am bored constantly focusing on my own happenings, how I feel about where I am, and why - it took a year of trying to publicly curate inner dialogue and just an hour of mental space to freely purge thoughts into a journal and humorously read them back to discover that so often do so many of us become self-obsessed and over analytical in the name of becoming self-aware. So this year,
Goal #1 is to take whatever current difficulties arise, and by default, myself, less seriously, knowing that whatever “this” happens, that it is not the end of the world -- which leads me to
Goal #2: to act not solely to please others, but to take part in activities that truly nourish the inner creative, that once expressed and satisfied, can show up more wholly for others. This can mean taking time to read, cook, draw, paint, walk, learn a new instrument or language and even shop! It’s about finding inspiration that energizes the core of life.
Goal #3 is to follow, not force the flow. Goal #3 is about understanding the delicate nuance between with what feels right intuitively and what seems like a good idea for the ego, for Me. It’s about knowing that dropping something is very different than giving up or quitting, and that sometimes the former can lead you in the best direction. Following the two prior goals, this one is also about embracing the satisfaction of being a part of a collective of others who continue to infused my experience here and now. For perhaps the first time in my memory, I want to step back from the hype of traveling, planning adventures and living out dreams of escape-- me doing this, me trying that. It feels like something is telling me to slow down, to stay, to create, so that is the flow I will follow.
In keeping with the Winter Solstice flow, I’d like to use this Monthly, this intro to a bright, new year, to invite you to give yourself permission to slow down and to reflect on this portion of your journey. Slow down, thank yourself and maybe write down some firsts that you’ve taken on during this recent year-long portion of your journey, like in this list from last year. Think of all you have done, every little act. Perhaps the year has included exciting new jobs, experiences, friends and joys, as well as newfound stresses and sorrows. If you’re feeling like you have not executed any great strides or feats, take into account where you were emotionally at the beginning of 2016 -- something tells me it has probably changed a little -- and be here now, because even the future is not so great when you are practicing to miss it.
Happy New Year,
Alana