Everyday V i o l e n c e
Today, I intended to go to a yoga class-- much needed-- but the universe had a different plan. It had me miss that class so that I could sit here, in a cozy corner table of an old-favorite neighbourhood restaurant. and write to you. As my mind finally settles, after the past hectic weeks, it leaves room for recent experiences to sweep through the hollows of a now-calmed brain, and some memories catch on the peaks of spikey or cringe-y feelings. One moment in particular, of clicking on an article link, along the lines of The Hidden Ways You Are Being Negative, caught a snag on the fabric of reflective thoughts. Have I really been so negative? Ugh, I thought. What does it mean to be negative? What are the implications, the consequences?
Especially in these emotionally tumultuous and truly historic times on our planet, exploring what negativity and its many variations can do or bring to our environment is a socially and personally reflective task that is quite important to take on. So, what in fact is negativity? In Eastern practices, including yoga, negativity can be seen as a form of violence. For some, the concept of violence invokes outright images of guns, abuse, maybe alleyways, or gangs. Still, for others, violence takes on a more fluid form, manifesting subtly in simple lifestyle choices and within the everyday human experience.
When it comes to violence versus the idea of non-harming, known as ahimsa, it really becomes about living in the light of truth and beauty versus ignorance and hate. Sometimes we are not ready to deal with or to face the violence, big or small. But when the time does come to approach and to reflect on our world and what you contribute to it, you do have the power to choose non-violence. But first, we must come to know both the subtle and outright forms of violence we participate in- whether physically or verbally engaging in violence with a fellow human or consuming irresponsibly.
Take a simple negative thought, for example. In following Eastern spiritual disciplines, violence can appear in our lives as simply as saying to ourselves, I didn’t do that well enough, I’ll never get there, or his boots are so ugly! In bringing these more negatively charged ideas into existence --whether purposefully or not-- they then become something that requires your action, attention and energy; they can be acknowledged and let go of; they can stay for a little while and create a little fiery heat under your skin that we might later call nervousness, embarrassment, shame, even anger at oneself. Negative thoughts, no matter their brevity or seeming meaninglessness, demand action from you. And action takes work, attention and energy.
Another way to deal with negativity that comes up is to actively push negative ideas down or ignore their appearance (actively being the key word here); Maybe they sink in, constructing a foundation for a pattern of more negative vocabulary to fall back on. In neurobiology, this pattern-forming takes structural roots, strengthening ties between neurons that “fire together,” which ultimately “wire together” with greater vibrato. In other words, when we tend to default to negative reactions, we become even more likely to fall into negative judgments due to both, habituated modes of processing, or analyzing the things that happen to us, and physically strengthened neuro-connections. Nevertheless, a negative thought takes some toll or cost in energy, down to your very cells. It demands you to pay in sometimes such subtle ways, that we fail to see the violence within it. Economically, both in terms of time and energy, negative thoughts can be a form of violence because they interfere with us being at our best selves in each moment, or savoring life’s qualities, and therefore destroy what could have been precious experiences.
The main reason down-talk can be considered a violent act is because it acts in direct opposition to what many Eastern belief systems hold as Truth—that we are each divine in spirit and form down to our cells—and hence, when we speak or think with negativity, we each fight against and cause harm to our own potential and Truth. Negativity is a violent act on the most basic of levels because it is a direct attack on yourself-- your learning self, your experiencing self and most importantly, your highest self (which has been created from the divine perfection of the universe). Now, am I saying that we should never have a negative thought or pretend they don’t pop up? No! I believe control over all of one’s thoughts is an absurd thing to ask of a continuously learning, wondering, thoughtful human attempting to survive in our modern world. Yoga and mindfulness, both of which are vehicles to reach a goal of finding peace by living with greater awareness of one’s own pattern of thoughts, however, can be quite useful—not simply in combatting violence, but also in dissolving its potency.
Birthing negative thoughts that previously did not exist at a conscious level into the real or material world often provokes quick inner reactions, and these reactions are what can be deteriorating to the psyche and spirit over time, so with the help of mindfulness and meditation, we can learn the practice of letting these go more easily, becoming less attached and therefore less reactive. With time, we can also train the mind to spend less precious energy on, both, creating and combating destructive thoughts toward the self and otherwise, and to open our view to the hidden treasures in our environment.
When we get into the habit of negatively complaining about the usual—for example, how busy we each are, we are just re-stating the obvious and ignoring all other beautiful experiences we could be sharing. This is not to say that we can’t allow ourselves time to vent to our buddies and blow off steam, but it’s important to remember (and I am constantly working on this) that we all experience human tiredness, exhaustion, a need to belong, and to feel like we are doing well in work and social relationships. Sometimes those small violent tendencies toward the self or a friend show up when, in the name of “sharing” our tough week, we actually just compete about who worked harder, slept less, or accomplished more. Sound familiar? Is it truly enriching for your inner self or is it eating into the ego? To notice, or to be more mindful, of our negative habits in conversations- again, very different from emotionally venting- can help steer us further away from bringing violence toward ourselves or each other through conversation. When bypassing the urge to speak unnecessarily with negativity about another person or thing, aka talking trash or badmouthing, we might just notice the lack of guilty remorse no longer calling to waste energy on. When we step out of lower vibrating conversations and immediate emotional reactions, we can share a whole lot more, as well as nurture inspiring, thoughtful relationships that are capable of evolving, and no longer stuck in the same-old.
Here’s another example of daily sneaky violence: consumer choices. Wherever you are on your journey, maybe you’ve heard about the trials and tribulations of fast fashion. Maybe you’ve heard of slave labor, toxic and unsafe working conditions, not to mention that the fast-fashion industry is the second largest contributor to pollution on our planet. Given this broad sweep of information, what do you see when you look at a $5 T-shirt? We don’t often stop to ask who made this? Where did the cotton or the often petroleum-based synthetic fibers come from, what was this fabric sprayed or dyed with? Unlike a lot of other industries, clothing manufacturing still requires someone to painstakingly do the manual work to sew the seams of your garments.
When you adorn yourself with a new outfit, something you feel awesome in, that can indeed be a form of empowerment! On the other hand, when we don't know where our clothes come from or how they got to be on our individual frames, choosing a garment can be physically harmful to the body-- a violent act on the vessel that drives us. Most dyes that color our clothing are full of chemicals. To get a plain white cotton t-shirt, it must be bleached, sometimes with copious amounts of hazardous chemicals that, in other countries, mainly Europe, are declared illegal. With the skin as your largest organ that soaks in what you put on it, your choices in what you put on your body should be treated the same as what you put in it.
When you file unpleasant facts about how your clothing came to be away, or push this knowledge down, two manifestations occur: one, you adorn your body with that violence, with the probable sweat, very real struggle and many deaths that have occurred of mothers and daughters working below poverty line and living wages (much different than legal wages); that becomes what you put forth as part of your conscious persona, and your purchase supports the system that holds violence of the worker overseas and extreme violence toward the Earth in the form of destruction and depletion of resources as okay. The second issue that rises is one of cognitive dissonance, or in this case, when you know that you disagree with slave labor or the fact that another human should have to expose themselves to cancer-causing toxins while dyeing or putting your cute, new pair of printed pants together, but by actively ignoring the part you may play as a consumer buying in to the whole picture, your conscience can bump up heavily against your actions. This takes a lot of mental energy to make sense of your identity, what you stand for and at the end of it all, who you chose to be. Sound farfetched? It can be, but really it can be as simple as asking the question, who do I want to be? And then, Am I doing that? Do I believe in what I am in effect supporting?
When actions and decisions ARE in line with our own beliefs, it often feels like we are in control or as if we're living out the reality of the ideal person we want to be. When facts come to light, will you step into line with them? Again, we are all at different points and parts of an entire learning experience, so this is not meant to blame any party, but rather to inspire questions, and to perhaps encourage others to become more curious about what real violence means. In this crucial time of being a human on this planet, will you bring more light and conscious power? Will you raise the energy? Or will you contribute to the violence by choosing to disconnect or not acknowledge it at its most subtle level.