'May' I reflect + June goals [June 2016]
Here we are -- the midpoint of the year. And looking back on the year from this moment, I feel like I've come a long way and done so much; I've been teaching for six months, I have more responsibilities at work and great relationships with my bosses. I'm growing, and the greatest part about it is seeing my growth and things in general moving forward.
This month, I found myself sweating the small stuff less and less often, learning how to take my own advice of moving with the ebbs and flows of the day-to-day. I committed to trusting the process -- the process of my journey -- and listening in. Mid-month I had a wave of productivity, learned new things about business and expanding my online presence for a little company I hope to launch in the near future. I re-designed my personal yoga website and read my way through a few books. In essence, I felt like I was finally coming into my own, making huge strides developing projects and myself, and honing in on making illusive goals into more tangible realities. But in the same way I felt on top of the world, I also hit some bumps in the road, aka life lessons. And here is one life lesson that we often forget:
Life lessons don't have to come in the form of tremendous collapses, they can arrive from moments of listening, of noticing what arises.
One of the most substantial lessons of this month arrived with a back injury. More precisely, my left shoulder became so tense that it was uncomfortable to take a deep breath, much less carry anything with my left arm. I needed help, and when it happened I realized I was not bitter or in a rush to get better, but rather more open and inviting to allowing myself to be taken care of. I was ready to slow down, to give myself time to listen inwards, and the voice that arose was one that often doesn't get much attention: the voice of a young girl, a little me, who just wants to be loved and taken care of.
I used to be ashamed of saying that I wanted or needed more in life -- more love, more attention, more of anything, because if I took a look at and judged my life and the current things that fill it, for example, I would see that I do have so much love -- all around me. Right now, I'm financially ok; I have people that I can call and talk to; I'm doing and sharing what I love, the yoga; I have a roof over my head. The list goes on, and seemingly, all the boxes are checked. But the younger, little girl that still exists in me, grew up all too fast, worked to please and never received the emotional security or nurturance she needed. For a while, I didn't even recognize that that part of me was there in the background. I didn't know she had needs and still had things to say or heartbreaks to heal, because I refused to acknowledge her. But I see now that she is there, very much so, and acknowledging that she is part of my story without feeling guilty for those emotional needs is most of the battle. The physical pain of my backache, though uncomfortable, gave me the chance to meet her again, to hear another part of myself and to know myself a little better overall.
- - For June - -
1. Practice the uke every day
2. Stay active + keep stretching
3. Get down to the nitty gritty of starting my company
4. Find the right job for Fall
5. Stay committed to trusting the process
